This morning I threw on leggings and an oversized tshirt and ran to the grocery store. As I was walking up to the automatic door, I caught my reflection in the glass. I saw my legs first, and was quite pleased with the way they looked. The tshirt skimmed over the worst part of my belly, without looking too big. I looked normal size. It's times like these where I really feel like I am seeing myself the way the rest of the world does, and it feels so good.
It's the other times I hate. The times where my eyes are drawn to my belly. When I see the outline of my belly button through my shirt, or it seems like my love handles are the same size they were several years ago. When the front of my pants roll down because of my belly.Those times make me feel like Poppin' Fresh (the pillsbury dough boy) or the Michelin Tire Man.
For the most part, I try to focus on the positive stuff. Superman was so right when he told me my legs are muscular and firm. In a relaxed position, I can see the shape of my quadriceps, even though my legs are far from "defined". They have a little padding on the inner thigh, but it's been a few years since I've had pants ruined by "chub rub". When I'm doing rows or lateral raises, I can see a little muscle below my collar bone flex with every rep. When I flex in the mirror, I can see the start of definition on my back, in between my shoulders. Although the number on the scale is still high, I'm 2 sizes smaller than 2 friends who weight 5-10 lbs less than I do.
No matter how big I feel, I am strong. I can squat and deadlift more than bodyweight. I can run the rack with all kinds of dumbbell exercises. Women at the gym are motivated and inspired by seeing what I'm accomplishing. At work, I lift and carry cases of fries, boxes of lettuce, and buckets of ice with ease.
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