Test Day!!

So a week ago I went and got CPR/AED certified. I needed it to sit for my NASM Personal Trainer exam today.

For the last week I have been freaking out  about how much material needed to be  memorized for the exam. Assessments, formulas, exercises, muscles, biology, psychology. JC and Superman kept assuring me that I would pass the exam, with ease. My inner fat girl disagreed.

Friday Superman must have been able to see my apprehension written all over my face. My fear of disappointing him. Even though I told him I'd be OK if I didn't pass, that I'd retest, he looked at me and said "  I'm not going to love you any less if that happens". How did he get to be so stinkin smart at his age?

Friday night JC texted me messages of love and support.

So this morning I woke up early, dressed in my Superman shirt (for luck) , and left the house for the 45 minute drive to the testing center. On the way I saw a billboard for a popular manufacturer of weight equipment, and decided it was a positive omen. I got to the testing center and signed in. They assigned me a computer cubicle and after a quick prayer, I got started. The questions weren't all super hard, but they weren't easy either. I finished going through the questions the first time in 45 minutes, and went back to think more on a few  harder ones that I had marked. I finished in about an hour.

After i finished, I went to the lobby to tell the proctor I was done. She signed into the computer to grade my test....and it crashed!! My heart started racing as she signed back in. She said "congratulations, you passed" and I teared up.

After I stopped crying, I went out to my car to call JC then Superman. Both of them congratulated me and told me repeatedly how proud they are of me.

My crazy life...

So much has happened since my last post!

Superman's boss left, and so did a few coworkers. I got an interview for an attendant position, but was not hired. The lady doing the hiring was in admin, and doesn't go on the fitness floor much. JC and Superman both have said they think she was wrong when she said I didn't have enough experience for the position.

The other day I realized I only have 7 weeks to sit for my PT test. I went online and scheduled my CPR/AED class, then called and scheduled my exam. By New Year's day I should officially be a personal trainer!!

Superman continues to be a very important presence in my life. Two months ago I picked up 2 friends of ours, and we drove 3 hours to support him at his first bodybuilding contest. He insisted on buying our admission tickets as a thank you for all our support and for driving to be there for him. We loved being there for him.

Last month my FIL was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, then died. Superman (and another friend, Batman) were my rocks. They listened (via Facebook messages) to all the fears that I did not want to burden my husband with. They prayed for us. Superman gave me a big hug the first chance he got after finding out that my FIL had died.

Its a running joke at work that Superman is my boyfriend. He knows that he's my "fake boyfriend". But I really don't think people quite understand what I mean when I say I love him, or that he loves me. He DOES love me and want to protect me, but its more of a big sister/aunt kind of love. I love him like a little brother or a son. Our relationship is more "warm fuzzy" than "fireworks".

My training with him continues to progress. About a month ago I did a 215lb squat, and just last week it was a 190lb deadlift. The other day he had me doing some seriously hard core squats-- barbell squats with band resistance. Random gym members have started noticing our sessions and approaching me to tell me how awesome I am, and how tough the workouts are.

Crazy busy

The last 2 months have been crazy busy, and so much has happened!

I got my NASM materials, and studied every free moment I could for about a month. Lately I haven't even cracked the book, but I did get a (barely) passing grade on a practice exam. Now I need to work on getting my CPR/AED card so I can schedule my exam. I plan on getting back to studying soon.

I'm still working with Superman twice a week. During one session a week, we work on self defense type stuff-- punching, kicking, etc. He wears special gloves with targets on them, and that is what I punch or kick, most of the time. A few weeks ago he had me do uppercuts to his belly as part of a sequence. I always promise him that I will pull any punch or kick that I think will miss the pad. The belly shots were no exception, they barely made contact with him. Both of us really enjoy the sparring, and I've told him that I appreciate the level of trust he has in me (to let me hit and kick him, especially without pads).

Superman and I are close friends, possibly closer than JC and I are! Superman turned 21 last month, and I gave him a T-shirt that matches one of my workout tanks, and a coupon book for me to bake for him this fall. A co worker of his, and friend of mine, gave him a unique gift---a tandem skydive! They invited me to go along, and I did!! It was so awesome, and seems so surreal. I did it, but it almost seems like a vivid dream. Next time I'm paying the $95 for helmet cam of the jump.

In 2 weeks Superman is competing in his first bodybuilding contest. Me, and two female friends of his (his "entourage") are going to watch and cheer him on. He looked amazing when I watched him pose a month ago, so I'm sure he'll blow my mind on contest day. I really really hope he places in his division. He's worked so hard, and sacrificed so much recently. The last month or so he has been eating pretty much just grilled chicken, brown rice, sweet potato, oatmeal, coconut, egg whites and protein shakes. He even had steak instead of birthday cake!

I did it!!!

Earlier this week I called NASM and ordered my personal trainer study materials. I have about 170 days to study and take the proctored exam. I'm honestly not sure if I am more excited or scared. The first few chapters are biology and anatomy. My friends who are already CPTs say I probably know more  of the material than I  think.

Hopefully this will also get me one step closer to a job at the Y. Several attendant positions should open up as the college kids go back to school. The pay sucks, but I won't go home smelling like greasy burgers and fries. Even if I only get one shift a week, I get free membership. That's worth over $100 monthly.

Loving my reflection... Finally.

I'm finally getting to a place where I love my reflection. I've spent so many years loathing it.

I've been at least chubby for probably 75% of my life. My perception of how i look is skewed too. For the longest time, I didn't feel fat, so seeing the fat girl in the mirror was upsetting. Going to buy new clothes usually made me want to cry :(

Once I started losing weight and getting tighter, random people at the gym started approaching me and telling me how great I look. It happened again yesterday. For the longest time I was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to respond. Mostly because I didn't see what they did. Finally I stumbled on an article that said to disagree with someone who compliments you is rude because it invalidates their opinion.  So I started thanking people.

Lately I've been having these moments where I feel like I am finally seeing what everyone else sees. In the past, my eyes have always gone right to my waist,and my love handles. A few weeks ago I was in a session with Superman and doing lat raises in the mirror. Checking form in the mirror, the first thing to catch my eye was the play of my shoulder muscle! And the other day I saw my reflection in the door of the grocery store and realized I am normal shaped now.

JC and Superman are a big part of the change in my self confidence and self image. Even when I felt like a blob, JC would tell me he saw my shoulder muscles emerging, etc. Superman, his opinion has so much weight because he is a bodybuilder and I've seen how hard he pushes himself. Regularly he tells me that I am the strongest female squatter he knows, or that he's impressed at my stamina with the workouts, or that I've got impressive leg flexibility. My favorite is when he told me I have great thighs (blush). That gave me SO much confidence! After that, I went out and bought 2 pair of short shorts to workout in.

How can I NOT love my reflection? These amazing men, who I love and respect so much, keep telling me how amazing I am.  Superman even made a beauty and the beast reference last week- basically told me I lift like a beast, but I'm a beauty. 

Loving me...

This has been a long time coming. I think I am finally in a place where I am beginning to love ME again. For years I didn't. My body still isn't as slim or hard as I would like it to be, but that is OK.

Last week Superman measured me again. I lost big in several places, and actually gained a quarter inch on my biceps. When he's training me, Superman likes to occasionally provide extra resistance by grabbing the machine and pushing/ pulling to make the negative harder. It's kind of become a game to us. Thursday I was doing preacher curls and he was trying to pull the bar down (and I had to prevent it). He literally had to stagger his feet and work to pull the bar! He's commented that he didn't expect his part to be so HARD :)

Quite often lately, he tells me that I am the strongest female client he has, or I squat heavier than any female gym member he knows of. A few weeks ago I had a surreal moment during a session with him. I looked in the mirror, and noticed the way my arm and shoulder muscles were moving before I noticed my love handles. Honestly, the love handles aren't bad anymore...

feeling the love...

I'm definitely feeling the love lately.  I've not seen JC in 3 or 4 months, but we text regularly. Last night we had one of our text conversations.and once again when the conversation is over I felt loved. He basically told me that I am hardcore, and that he always has my back.

Shy and I have been getting to know each other, and become closer as friends.  He and JC both tell me how awesome and strong I am :) Shy and I actually done cardio together as friends (vs trainer-client) several times this month. He did a Y challenge that consisted of a virtual half iron man. I didn't officially do it, but our little competition is the kick in the butt he needed to stay motivated. ..so I ran and biked like crazy for a few weeks. As kind of a fun  reward for all the hard work he puts in to helping me, I took him out for a triple cheeseburger last week. We sat and ate (I got a triple too) and talked and laughed. It felt really good, and we both want to do it again. Which brings me to my next thought...Shy's blog name doesn't fit him anymore. He's changed so much over the last 5/6 months, and around me he is anything but shy. So from here on, he will be "superman".

Supergirl ?!?

Shy calls me Supergirl. It's our semi private joke. He looks a lot like superman,  and one day I told him that when I finish one of his tough workouts,  I feel like Supergirl. He told me I might as well be Supergirl when I do them. I know I'm not the strongest woman in the gym, but I feel like Shy genuinely is impressed by what I can do,  and how hard I work. Yesterday he told me how nice it was to be able to verbally correct form--that is something JC used to say.

Earlier this week I hit a new squat record!  My new 1 rep max is 200 pounds :) I'm so proud of it, and ive watched the video so many times. This was one time I really truly thought I wasn't going to do it. I went all the way down, got half way up and got stuck! Shy started saying "bust it...bust it...drive...drive" in my ear, and I felt his wrists tap my ribs and I found that last little bit of strength to finish it. He told me later he was just a few seconds away from helping. ..

opportunity knocks...

Last week one of Shy's coworkers approached me and told me that one of the female attendants had gotten a new job and would be putting in her notice. Shy confirmed it, and both men told me that I should apply for the job!

I am honestly not sure I have the formal experience the job description calls for,  but Shy,  the girl quitting,  the guy who told me about it, JC, pretty much EVERYONE, says I'm perfect for the job. So I submitted my application and hope to hear something soon.


Yesterday I took my second set of progress pics since I started training with Shy. The changes aren't huge, but they are there. My obliques are more defined, my love handles are smaller,  my belly is flatter. ..and I think my quads are more defined. I'm quite pleased!

am I dreaming?

The last week or 2 has been so freaking amazing that I keep expecting to wake up and find out it was just a really vivid dream.

Monday I did my April challenge,  and even exceeded my expectations. I had hoped to get up to 30 hanging leg raises, but in the end, I ended up getting 35 good reps and 5 half reps. Shy wanted to be right there when I did my challenge, but he ended up having an appointment at the last minute. As soon as his client left, he came over to me and begged to see the video before I could even upload it to Facebook. He was super impressed, and was bragging to a bunch of different people.

On Tuesday we worked on heavy squats. The last time we did heavy squats I realized I was very close to body weight. I really wanted to do at least one squat at body weight, but that would require me to add 15 pounds to my previous record. I told Shy that I had a number I wanted to hit, but first I had to break my previous record. When I broke my previous record he asked me what the number was and I told him "when I stepped on the scale this morning I weighed 187.2"  he looked at me and said "want to do it?",so we did. I squatted 190. If that wasn't already amazing, after that we went outside and he helped me flip tractor tires

Several times this past week people have approached me to tell me how awesome I look. On Thursday I took ds1 to a psychiatry appointment at the hospital. The doctor hadn't seen me in 4 months, and she commented on my weight loss. Then a few seconds later asked "you're okay right?" It almost sounded like she thought I was sick and that's why I lost weight! Two other gym members have approached me this week to tell me how skinny I look, including one who used to work with another trainer over the summer. She said she had to do a double take to make sure it was really me because I look so much skinnier.

The weight loss of the last few weeks continues. I've lost almost 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks. Lately my pants have been feeling like they are falling down so I went shopping yesterday to try on the next size. I can actually button and zip a pair of size 10 stretch jeans now! That is only one size above goal. And I still have 20 pounds before I am considered overweight by BMI standards. How can I be clinically obese,  but wear a size 10?

amazing progress!

Last week I took my normal progress pictures. My March pics were taken just days after I started working with Shy. The changes are awesome! From the side my belly is noticably smaller, and you can see definition that wasn't there before. From the front you can even tell it is flatter!

Last week Shy offered to sit down and work on a nutrition plan with me. He can't do it in hisoofficial capacity as a trainer, but he can do it as a friend.  In the last 3 weeks or so I have lost 2 pounds, so I'm excited to see what results I get after he gives me advice!

The challenge is going to be awesome! Shy brought in his "ab straps" for me to use,  and I've been practicing my leg raises. Don't tell Shy, but I am hoping to do 25-30 (my goal is 20). Shy is picking my May challenge!

a tricky situation. ..

When I first started to work with Shy,  I told him he didnt need to worry about anything being awkward or doing anything to upset me...that only ONE person had managed to do that,  and it was bad enough I should have told the boss but didn't.

So today we were talking about how "mean" Shy is,  and I told him what I told Buff-- you only have to worry if I stop smiling. If I cry,  you should be scared. So then he says "a while back you told me there was a situation you should have reported,  but didn't. ..what happened? ". So we went into the office and behind closed doors I told him what happened, Iincluding the fact that I believe CC thought it was ok because he thought I had a physically intimate relationship with JC.

The tricky part is that Shy and CC seem to be friends,  and they do still work together. They are even Facebook friends. The last thing I want to do is cause animosity between coworkers. So I only referred to CC as male staff member. After I told him what happened,  Shy thanked me for not telling him who it was. He says he tends to feel protective of those around him,  and he might be tempted to get physical with the person.  My heart just melts knowing that I am within Shy's circle of protection.

Working with "Shy"

Tomorrow will be my 6th session with Shy, and I LOVE it. In the last 3 weeks or so I have learned so much about myself, and what I am capable of.

The routine that Shy set up for me is a series of 4 workouts that we rotate through. Each one is centered around a major lift--bench press, deadlift, military press (overhead press), or squat--and has 4-6 accessory exercises to go with it. It takes about an hour, maybe a little longer to go through it. If we get through it quick enough on the days we train together, he'll think of a few more exercises to torture me with. I can feel myself getting stronger with every workout.

So far working with him, I have figured out my one rep max on 3/4 of the exercises. The first week I blew my old squat record out of the water. Not only did I break through the wall where I had been stuck, but added at least 10lbs to my old record--I got 160lbs for 1 rep. I've learned proper form for deadlift, and my 1 rep max for that is also 160lbs. At 188lbs, I can squat and deadlift about 85% of my bodyweight!! There is something very exciting, almost on a primal level, about knowing that you have hidden strength that no one suspects. He seems to be gaining confidence working with me too. I've noticed that he is a lot more comfortable touching than he used to be. Last week there was actually a *situation* that I am not telling him about...yet. While we were doing bent over rows, he put his hands on my back, with his fingers kinda around my ribs. He was a fingertip away from his correction turning into an accidental grope!! If it happens again, I'll let him know, just so he doesn't inadvertently offend a future female client.

Shy also convinced me to clean my diet up a little, and sort of go on a cut, something that JC and Buff both tried to convince me to do, in their own way. I'm eating 2100 calories and drinking protein shakes daily. I didn't realize that since I had been working, I was probably only eating 1600-1800 calories most days.So for the last few weeks I have been drinking my "protein bomb" after my workout/before work, then around 3pm I have a protein bar. The pesky water weight I've been fighting seems to be coming off too, and I am optimistic that maybe I'll drop scale weight in the next week or so.

My March challenge for myself was to do 5 decline bench crunches. Friday I did 12, holding a 5lb medicine ball. My April challenge is going to be hanging leg raises. Maybe 10-12 with knees as high as I can.

Today a female trainer at the gym told me that she'd noticed me looking tighter in the last few weeks. That makes me smile. I'm actually looking forward to taking my April progress pics. I have a feeling they are going to look amazing.

Since my last post, so many things have happened!!

I have become a regular helper in Shy's muscle conditioning class. Other people taking the class have approached me and told me they are glad I am helping. I'm having so much fun with it that I have decided to make my assistant roll official--I am joining "fit crew". Fit crew is a volunteer program for people who already take free classes. Basically they wear a volunteer tshirt,  help encourage and make other participants more comfortable.

Shy and I have our first official training session together tomorrow. I was hoping to do it sooner, but his schedule was booked full of smart start clients. It's odd how well he and I have connected, it almost feels like me and JC. Turns out that I am Shy's first female client he's trained one on one!! This promotion to trainer has been so good for him, and he has grown so much in the last 6 weeks or so. Back in January he thought it was awkward to even mention chest to a woman, even to correct form. Now he laughs and jokes, talks about beautiful sculpted muscles...and isn't afraid to mention chest, thighs, hips, etc. The other night I sent him a facebook message just letting him know that he doesn't need to worry about anything being awkward while training me. It's doubtful that he could do anything to upset me, and even if he did, I would let him know first!


I've been shopping for clothes on a regular basis, and it feels really good! I'm wearing a size 12 now, and will probably be in a size 10 sometime this summer. Gradually I am phasing out all my huge, shapeless clothes for more form fitting things. The other day I bought a cheap smocked tank dress. It's red, t-shirt type material. Looks pretty good right now, but will look even better as my belly gets flatter. Also purchased, one pair of yoga shorts that I would not have been caught dead in a year ago, 2 cheap tank tops, and a replacement for my favorite size 20 black and white shirt...and everything is a size 12/14 from the juniors department!! Every shopping trip I have to remind myself that I am NOT plus-sized any longer, and I cannot shop in the women's department anymore :)

The mental changes continue... I continue to step on the scale daily, but seeing 3lbs of water weight doesn't ruin my day anymore. I KNOW that I have caused it by not drinking my water, or by eating that fast food meal. I'm enjoying doing girly things, and knowing I can STILL be badass. Heavy lifting is just going to make it even better :)

a personal record...

So about a week ago I told JC that I was hitting personal records on the leg press, and it didn't seem hard. In a  moment of weakness, I told him that in just 2 weeks I would leg press 398lbs. Then he said 4 words that never fail to light a fire under my ass--"good luck with that!" . Maybe he meant it in a nice way, but in a text, I *heard* him say it in a way that made me think that he didn't believe that I could do it.

So for the last week, I have been building up to doing that 398lb press. That means adding (6) 45lb plates, and (2) 5lb plates to the 118lb sleigh. On Friday I did the 45lb plates, and (2) 2.5lb plates, and truly meant to wait until THIS Friday to add the other 5lbs of weight. Yesterday I loaded up the sleigh, and without even thinking about it, I grabbed 5lb fractional plates. My friend Mandy gave me a look when I told her I what weight I was aiming for, so I offered to let her watch me. She snapped a picture of me at the top of one rep. This morning I was re-calculating things and realized that I had actually hit my goal! So now I have a new goal for Friday....403lbs!!

For probably 5 months now I have been struggling with my squats. I KNOW I can squat 150lbs, I've done it before, but it just hasn't been possible lately. The other day I had a lightbulb moment, and realized that my issue is my lack of core strength. So now core work is going to be added to my routine. I've been doing a little core about 2x a week...now I am going to be doing more core, more often. Since working towards my leg press goal was so much fun, my March goal is going to be to do 5 decline crunches.

transitions...and other stuff

Buff has been gone for almost 3 weeks now, and honestly, I'm shocked how smoothly things seem to be going. I don't think Shy has had any private clients so far, but I have been watching him with his "smart start" clients, and he is blossoming! It is like the promotion from attendent to trainer has changed something inside him, and I am just now seeing the real Shy.

I've told Shy that I want to start working with him next month, and asked him to start thinking about 1-2 mornings a week where we could work together at 9am.

For the last few months, there has been an issue at the gym with lifters leaving 45lb plates on the machine when they are done. Last week I personally saw a guy do it, and approached him. The look on his face when I walked up to him and informed him that he needed to strip his weights when he was done...priceless! I told JC about it, and he called me the gym "sheriff". That's fine by me!Yesterday I happened to be wearing my t-shirt from the December challenge, and the guy came in. His eyes got kinda big, and he kept looking at me throughout his workout...but he stripped his weights. Later I realized that he might possibly have mistaken the challenge shirt for a staff shirt. It made me smile. This morning I saw a guy use several machines, leave them loaded, and walk over to the cable machine...so I approached him. Turns out that he was doing a complicated circuit, but he was cool when I explained what had been going on, and why I approached him.

Last week I got an opportunity to assist Shy with his muscle conditioning class, and I really enjoyed it! A staff member's husband was in the class, and she warned Shy that his form "wasn't great"...that was an understatement!! His form was atrocious. I'm not sure I could replicate everything he had wrong with his squat. Since Shy had 6-8 people in class, and couldn't give this guy  personal attention, I stepped in and helped him on many exercises. Later Shy thanked me for stepping in, and I told him that if he ever needed me to help he should just ask.

The CC Situation...

The CC situation was a very uncomfortable one for me, and that doesn't happen often. It made me question ME. The way I interact with people every single day. CC was a co-worker of JC's, so he heard some of our conversations ( he even joined a few), and saw the way JC and I interacted. Not once did I feel uncomfortable around CC, until JC left. After that, the way CC acted towards me changed. Nothing that would cause any red flags. At some point we even became Facebook friends. I really didn't mind that he had become a little more attentive and chatty. He would jump on the elliptical or bike next to me and distract me from what I was doing, which I welcomed. Every once in a while he just gave off a really odd vibe that made me uncomfortable. One day his tone of voice changed, and he gave off a really creepy vibe, although all he said was "hey, how are you today?" That was the day the thought popped in my head that he might think that JC and I had a physically intimate relationship, but it was so ridiculous that I pushed the thought aside (why would JC even think of becoming intimate with a married, obese woman 12 years his senior?).

One day, out of the corner of my eye, I saw that CC had split the seam in his shorts. As I walked by, I said something about having his mom fix them. A few hours later, he popped up on facebook messenger and asked me why I was looking at his crotch!! Although I denied purposely looking at his crotch, the conversation quickly went downhill, with him asking about seeing me in ( and out) of my underwear, and even asking about specific sexual favors. When he was informed that no matter how much I joke and play, Hubby and I have been exclusive for 19 years, and other men only got hugs, he quickly ended the conversation and blocked me.

The whole situation made me question my very personality. Could I have said or done something to invite the behavior? Did he think I was flirting with him? Even if he did, he was fully aware that I was married, AND old enough to be his mother. Because I was so shaken by the incident, and needed to know how I was perceived, I emailed JC. He was able to quickly reassure me that he never got a flirty vibe off me...never felt that I was "leading him on", that I was just a friendly woman who he had great conversations with.

Not long after, CC got a second job, and dropped all but one of his weekday shifts. That was when SHy showed up. It was nice to be able to be ME, and not worry about what CC might think, say or do. A few months later, I found out that CC had been similarly inappropriate with another woman at the gym. The lady is an author in her early 40's, and she had given most of the fitness staff a copy of her latest book. CC facebook messaged her and made comments about wanting to reenact one of the sex scenes in the book with her!! That was when I lost all respect for CC.

deja vu...

Another man is leaving me, and this time I am OK with it.

10 months ago JC left me to go on vacation in another state, and ended up being gone for 4 months. He warned me that he was moving "at some point in the future", and I asked him to warn me, and maybe even introduce me to a new trainer before he left. That's not the way it ended up happening :(  JC wrote me a routine to hold me over, and told me he would be back in a week. Two weeks later I emailed him and he told me he had decided to stay at his vacation destination.

A guy named "Buff" covered for JC while he was gone, and eventually took his position. I'm not proud to say it, but I really did not like Buff the first few weeks he was at the gym. Looking back, I think I resented that he slipped so seamlessly into JC's place, and no one could ever "replace" JC...but Buff ended up doing a great job creating his own place in the gym family.

With a lot of reflection, I was able to see that JC leaving was a good thing. Switching trainers forced me to step out of my comfort zone both physically and emotionally. I HAD to tell Buff my fitness goals, and that meant telling him about DS1's rages, a secret that I keep fairly close. People just tend to look at you differently when you tell them things like that. Buff had a different training style, and exposed me to things that I never would have tried on my own --like different ways of going up flights of steps, or working with the heavy bag. The day a lady walked up to me and told me that Buff trains me "like a man" , but that it is working for me was a proud day. So was the day that some big muscled guy gawked at me as I stood on 2 BOSU balls doing battle ropes. Nothing makes you feel badass like someone obviously amazed at what you can do.

About 6 months ago or so there were some staffing changed at the gym. An attendant named CC dropped several shifts ( which made me happy...more on that later), and  a few new faces showed up. One of the new faces was "Shy", a quiet young bodybuilder. It took him several months to really come out of his shell and start interacting with members, but now I really do enjoy talking with him. A few months ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked him to spot my squat--a job I usually reserve for people I really trust--and he did a good job.

Two weeks ago Buff announced that he had put in his notice and he was leaving the gym. He has a baby due in a few months, and being a trainer just isn't bringing in enough money. I haven't really trained with Buff in a while, but was hoping to start back up in the next few months. Because of the lessons I learned when JC left, I am taking Buff's exit as a sign that my routine needs a change. Picking a new trainer was going to be a tough job. Did I really want to get used to someone new? Honestly, my thought was that Shy would be the natural choice for stepping into the position, and apparently management shared my opinion. I found out last week that Shy IS taking Buff's position. After speaking with Shy, I have decided he WILL be my new trainer, and we are both excited to work together.

Relieved!!

For the last few months I have been having issues with my right knee. At first it just felt unstable and "loose" while I was in the squat cage. Then I started feeling all kinds of popping, shifting and cracking all day long. Even just driving, moving my foot from gas to brake could cause the issue.

Having medical knowledge can be scary in this kind of situation. When the popping and shifting started, my mind went nuts. In my head, there was something WRONG with my knee--ACL, MCL, meniscus--that would require surgical repair. Hubby would have to be told, I'd have to take time off work...OMG! Hubby would never let me set foot in a gym again, and there went my future as a personal trainer.

Luckily for me, my trusted Chiropractor also does some sports med work. It had been 5 months since my last adjustment ( prompted by a comment Buff made), so last week I stopped in for an adjustment and to discuss my fears about my knee issues. The first thing he told me is that my right hip was a full INCH higher than the left!! Typically, my misalignment is the other way around, and doesn't cause such dramatic problems in any part of my body. After my adjustment, where not much needed fixed, he checked my knee. Luckily for me, there wasn't anything horribly wrong. By the time I left his office, 75% of the yucky noises were gone, and by the time I went to bed I was 95% click free. A few days later I was able to do a leg workout without any problems, although I did take it kind of easy.

With a new high comes a new low...

At 37 years old I hit my all time high weight of 228.4 pounds, almost 100lbs more than I should be carrying on my 5'2" frame. I was sick and depressed, and couldn't seem to lose a pound.

A new YMCA opened a few miles from my house, and I begged hubby to buy me a membership. Somehow I just knew I could do it if I had the right tools. And if he dropped $800 or so on the membership fee, I would never hear the end of it if I stopped going, or did not lose weight.

My first few weeks going to the Y are kind of a blur, but I do remember the trainer who worked weekday mornings, JC. He was smiley and friendly...everyone seemed to like him. Little did I know how much of an impact he would have on me, and how tight a bond we would form.

For a few weeks, walking on the treadmill at 2.5mph was all I could do. 30 minutes had me sweating buckets and trembling. Looking back I have to smile at the old me. She has NO idea how far she will come, or what is in store for her. After 2 weeks I added a few of the strength machines at a time until I had a pretty decent routine going. Because I wanted so badly to make things work this time, I was at the gym 3-4 times a week. This caught the eye of the gym staff--not only JC, but the fitness attendants too.

Now that I have been a regular at the gym for 2 years, I am considered a fixture. A few weeks ago I was not able to make it to the gym for almost a week and everybody noticed. I have felt for a while that I have a "gym family", and I definitely felt the love when I went back ( from both staff AND other gym members).

Why?

Why am I writing a blog? Over the last few years, with the help of some dear friends, I am going through a physical and mental metamorphosis.


I've always had the potential to be obese. I was a chubby baby, a chubby child. Really, most of my life I have been chubby. From like age 13-20 I was a normal weight.

Then I got pregnant, and despite all my efforts, I packed on 50lbs. Thus began my struggle of the last 18 years to NOT be fat. I joined weight watchers and curves, and GAINED 30lbs...turns out I was borderline diabetic. A quick 2 months on a low carb diet fixed that, but also got me pregnant for the third time!

During all my struggles with weight, I had a few demons I was battling. My oldest son has high functioning autism, and anger control issues, and I myself was diagnosed with clinical depression in the early 90s. For the most part I am OK without medication, but I do have the tendency to self medicate with my favorite drug, chocolate.

Over the next few posts, I'll give you the cliff notes of my journey so far.