deja vu...

Another man is leaving me, and this time I am OK with it.

10 months ago JC left me to go on vacation in another state, and ended up being gone for 4 months. He warned me that he was moving "at some point in the future", and I asked him to warn me, and maybe even introduce me to a new trainer before he left. That's not the way it ended up happening :(  JC wrote me a routine to hold me over, and told me he would be back in a week. Two weeks later I emailed him and he told me he had decided to stay at his vacation destination.

A guy named "Buff" covered for JC while he was gone, and eventually took his position. I'm not proud to say it, but I really did not like Buff the first few weeks he was at the gym. Looking back, I think I resented that he slipped so seamlessly into JC's place, and no one could ever "replace" JC...but Buff ended up doing a great job creating his own place in the gym family.

With a lot of reflection, I was able to see that JC leaving was a good thing. Switching trainers forced me to step out of my comfort zone both physically and emotionally. I HAD to tell Buff my fitness goals, and that meant telling him about DS1's rages, a secret that I keep fairly close. People just tend to look at you differently when you tell them things like that. Buff had a different training style, and exposed me to things that I never would have tried on my own --like different ways of going up flights of steps, or working with the heavy bag. The day a lady walked up to me and told me that Buff trains me "like a man" , but that it is working for me was a proud day. So was the day that some big muscled guy gawked at me as I stood on 2 BOSU balls doing battle ropes. Nothing makes you feel badass like someone obviously amazed at what you can do.

About 6 months ago or so there were some staffing changed at the gym. An attendant named CC dropped several shifts ( which made me happy...more on that later), and  a few new faces showed up. One of the new faces was "Shy", a quiet young bodybuilder. It took him several months to really come out of his shell and start interacting with members, but now I really do enjoy talking with him. A few months ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked him to spot my squat--a job I usually reserve for people I really trust--and he did a good job.

Two weeks ago Buff announced that he had put in his notice and he was leaving the gym. He has a baby due in a few months, and being a trainer just isn't bringing in enough money. I haven't really trained with Buff in a while, but was hoping to start back up in the next few months. Because of the lessons I learned when JC left, I am taking Buff's exit as a sign that my routine needs a change. Picking a new trainer was going to be a tough job. Did I really want to get used to someone new? Honestly, my thought was that Shy would be the natural choice for stepping into the position, and apparently management shared my opinion. I found out last week that Shy IS taking Buff's position. After speaking with Shy, I have decided he WILL be my new trainer, and we are both excited to work together.

Relieved!!

For the last few months I have been having issues with my right knee. At first it just felt unstable and "loose" while I was in the squat cage. Then I started feeling all kinds of popping, shifting and cracking all day long. Even just driving, moving my foot from gas to brake could cause the issue.

Having medical knowledge can be scary in this kind of situation. When the popping and shifting started, my mind went nuts. In my head, there was something WRONG with my knee--ACL, MCL, meniscus--that would require surgical repair. Hubby would have to be told, I'd have to take time off work...OMG! Hubby would never let me set foot in a gym again, and there went my future as a personal trainer.

Luckily for me, my trusted Chiropractor also does some sports med work. It had been 5 months since my last adjustment ( prompted by a comment Buff made), so last week I stopped in for an adjustment and to discuss my fears about my knee issues. The first thing he told me is that my right hip was a full INCH higher than the left!! Typically, my misalignment is the other way around, and doesn't cause such dramatic problems in any part of my body. After my adjustment, where not much needed fixed, he checked my knee. Luckily for me, there wasn't anything horribly wrong. By the time I left his office, 75% of the yucky noises were gone, and by the time I went to bed I was 95% click free. A few days later I was able to do a leg workout without any problems, although I did take it kind of easy.

With a new high comes a new low...

At 37 years old I hit my all time high weight of 228.4 pounds, almost 100lbs more than I should be carrying on my 5'2" frame. I was sick and depressed, and couldn't seem to lose a pound.

A new YMCA opened a few miles from my house, and I begged hubby to buy me a membership. Somehow I just knew I could do it if I had the right tools. And if he dropped $800 or so on the membership fee, I would never hear the end of it if I stopped going, or did not lose weight.

My first few weeks going to the Y are kind of a blur, but I do remember the trainer who worked weekday mornings, JC. He was smiley and friendly...everyone seemed to like him. Little did I know how much of an impact he would have on me, and how tight a bond we would form.

For a few weeks, walking on the treadmill at 2.5mph was all I could do. 30 minutes had me sweating buckets and trembling. Looking back I have to smile at the old me. She has NO idea how far she will come, or what is in store for her. After 2 weeks I added a few of the strength machines at a time until I had a pretty decent routine going. Because I wanted so badly to make things work this time, I was at the gym 3-4 times a week. This caught the eye of the gym staff--not only JC, but the fitness attendants too.

Now that I have been a regular at the gym for 2 years, I am considered a fixture. A few weeks ago I was not able to make it to the gym for almost a week and everybody noticed. I have felt for a while that I have a "gym family", and I definitely felt the love when I went back ( from both staff AND other gym members).

Why?

Why am I writing a blog? Over the last few years, with the help of some dear friends, I am going through a physical and mental metamorphosis.


I've always had the potential to be obese. I was a chubby baby, a chubby child. Really, most of my life I have been chubby. From like age 13-20 I was a normal weight.

Then I got pregnant, and despite all my efforts, I packed on 50lbs. Thus began my struggle of the last 18 years to NOT be fat. I joined weight watchers and curves, and GAINED 30lbs...turns out I was borderline diabetic. A quick 2 months on a low carb diet fixed that, but also got me pregnant for the third time!

During all my struggles with weight, I had a few demons I was battling. My oldest son has high functioning autism, and anger control issues, and I myself was diagnosed with clinical depression in the early 90s. For the most part I am OK without medication, but I do have the tendency to self medicate with my favorite drug, chocolate.

Over the next few posts, I'll give you the cliff notes of my journey so far.