Supergirl. ..for LIFE!!

After I got my first tattoo, I got the idea to get a supergirl tattoo.  Kind of as a reminder of all the obstacles I have overcome. From health and weight, to special needs kids, to an epileptic husband. 

I was looking on pinterest, and I found a really sweet poster. It was a pink and black supergirl logo with roses and ribbons.  That was what I wanted!! Very feminine. Then I got the idea to add a symbol of my physical strength--a barbell, kettle bell,  weight belt, etc. When I'd saved enough money, I went to the tattoo shop and gave the artist my idea. What he came up with was awesome-- two big roses behind the top of the supergirl logo, and behind the bottom is a loaded barbell.  It's bigger than I had originally planned (it takes up most of the top of my right thigh), but it looks really good.

Good days, bad days

This morning I threw on leggings and an oversized tshirt and ran to the grocery store.  As I was walking up to the automatic door, I caught my reflection in the glass. I saw my legs first, and was quite pleased with the way they looked. The tshirt skimmed over the worst part of my belly, without looking too big. I looked normal size. It's times like these where I really feel like I am seeing myself the way the rest of the world does, and it feels so good.

It's the other times I hate. The times where my eyes are drawn to my belly. When I see the outline of my belly button through my shirt, or it seems like my love handles are the same size they were several years ago. When the front of my pants roll down because of my belly.Those times make me feel like Poppin' Fresh (the pillsbury dough boy) or the Michelin Tire Man.

For the most part, I try to focus on the positive stuff. Superman was so right when he told me my legs are muscular and firm. In a relaxed position, I can see the shape of my quadriceps, even though my legs are far from "defined". They have a little padding on the inner thigh, but it's been a few years since I've had pants ruined by "chub rub". When I'm doing rows or lateral raises, I can see a little muscle below my collar bone flex with every rep. When I flex in the mirror, I can see the start of definition on my back, in between my shoulders. Although the number on the scale is still high, I'm 2 sizes smaller than 2 friends who weight 5-10 lbs less than I do.

No matter how big I feel, I am strong. I can squat and deadlift more than bodyweight. I can run the rack with all kinds of dumbbell exercises. Women at the gym are motivated and inspired by seeing what I'm accomplishing. At work, I lift and carry cases of fries, boxes of lettuce, and buckets of ice with ease.

What a mountain you are climbing...

Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic, and reminiscing about the very first time I put an oly bar on my back. My sister had challenged me to a lifting contest (which she later bailed on...) and one of the rules was you had to use the oly bar. The power rack was in use...so I asked JC to put one of the bars off a bench onto my back so I could see what it felt like. 

I shared this memory with JC just one day after doing an almost parallel, 240 lb squat. His response was "what a mountain you are climbing". He's right. And the "view" gets more breathtaking the higher I climb. This journey to health IS a mountain I'm climbing. It's steep, and challenging. I have no clue what I will find when I reach the summit.  It would have been so easy to quit climbing, so many times.  When my dad died AND I started a new job in the same week, I could have quit. When JC left...when Buff quit. When I ended up with horrible elbow tendinitis 2 months after I started working with Superman. But I didn't. Somehow, I know the view from the top is going to be amazing...and I REALLY want to see it.

As I am "climbing", the view is getting better. It's the little things. Having an off day and having someone walk up to me and tell me that seeing ME push through a workout has inspired them to keep pushing. Realizing that I look 40 lbs lighter than I really am. Throwing around 50lb bags of chicken feed and remembering when I could barely lift them. Realizing that it has been months since I used my asthma inhaler...the one I used to have to use before every workout. That I've gotten through a winter without a major respiratory illness.  And then there is the gym stuff-- hitting PRs on the weights, being quirky and having to do my stuff on the unstable side of the BOSU  (for some reason I fall if I stand on the round side), actually accomplishing tasks that make me wonder if Superman has lost his mind (I love him, but the man enjoys trying to break me).

If you're going to climb a mountain, you need safety equipment. JC and Superman are mine. I don't see JC often, but he's just a text away if I need a little wisdom, or encouragement. I would have never had the courage to become a Trainer if it he hadn't suggested it. Other people had, but not people who had seen me in action in the gym. Superman is my safety in the gym, literally.  When I'm going for a squat PR, there is the potential for me to get "stuck in the hole". I need to have 100% confidence in my spotter, and I do. The other day when I did my 240lb squat, I got stuck in the hole. Twice. Each time, Superman waited for my cue, then gently stood me up and helped me rack the bar. The 3rd time, he gave me a verbal cue when I hit the right depth, then verbal encouragement until the bar was racked.