Showing myself some tough love....

In 2016, I'm going to show myself some tough love. This year, Superman has helped me with nutrition several times, yet none of my weight loss has stuck. Superman gave me calorie levels, and told me when to eat carbs...but I need more to work with. I need help with the numbers. "Mamacita" is a figure competitor, and one of my gym friends. She's going to help me figure out macros for burning fat, and teach me how to spread everything out over my day.

The first week of the year, Superman is going to measure my body fat with calipers. My scale shows about 48%, and my handheld device shows about 40%. I'm prepared for calipers to show similar levels. If they do, I will need to lose about 10-15 percentage points off my body fat to be in the normal range. I believe if I hit 25-30% body fat, my muscle definition will be visable. That has been my goal for years.

I'm not 100% sure that I am going to be able to successfully do a pull up in a few weeks. No matter what, an attempt will be made before the end of the year. And I plan to continue doing my 2x weekly upper body workouts.  I like how it feels, and I've been slowly making gains in several lifts.

Too big of a goal?

I'm hoping that "operation pull up" does not end up being a failure. I'm worried it will be. I'm 6 weeks in to my 12 week plan, and don't feel near strong enough.

I'm working back and shoulders 2x a week, once on my own, and once with Superman. I'm concentrating on lats, delts and mid back. Yesterday I tried to see how far I could pull myself up, and it didnt feel like I got up more than a few inches :(

Operation pull up

I can't do an unassisted pull up 😭 I've been trying for over 2 years now. But one of my very few goals for this year is to do one.

Back my first year at the gym, the year  I met JC, I tried to do a pull up on the monkey bars at the local park. I got myself up about half an inch. That's when I started doing assisted pull ups. I've made progress on them--from needing 120lbs or more of assist, down to 95 lbs of assist.

I read a lot of fitness articles, and have my Personal Trainer textbook too. Pretty much everything I've read says it's a good idea to work your weaker areas 2x a week. Superman and I pretty much always do legs on Tuesday and upper body on Thursday. So this week I started doing shoulders, delts, and lats on my own on Monday. Today (Thursday ) Superman will do more upper body and back stuff with me. I've got basically until Christmas to get strong enough to do this. I'll be happy with one pull up, but I would love to be able to do several more.

Sometimes I forget...

Sometimes I forget that I'm not 230lbs anymore. Several times in the last month I have found myself making accommodations for the weight I no longer carry.

A few weeks ago Superman had me doing something on the weight bench. I sat on the edge...then immediately moved more towards the middle.  I was afraid I was going to flip it by putting too much weight too close to the end. Just yesterday he had me standing on a plastic step doing deadlifts. I found myself scooting back...because I was afraid I was going to flip it!

Superman competed in his second bodybuilding competition a few days ago. He didn't place, but it wasn't a drug tested competition, and several of the guys he lost to had obvious signs of steroid use. He's content with what he brought to the stage though, and I couldn't be more proud of him. He looked amazing!! His cheering section got to hang out with his parents again this year. Yesterday he told me that his mom had commented to him that she could see the changes in my physique from last year!

German volume training

,,Last week Superman got the brilliant idea to test this on me. It was...interesting.

GVT is a training method where you pick a few compound exercises, and you do 10 sets of 10 repetitions of them. The weight stays kind of light, but 100 reps is brutal.

Last week we did bench press (75lbs) and deadlifts (135lbs). The first 4-6 sets were relatively easy. By the 7th set of each, I was struggling. On the deads, I had to pause between reps several times per set. On the bench, he made me rack briefly after the 6th or 7th rep. My arms were so shaky when we were done! The next morning I woke up at 4 am to pee...and realized I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. It hurt to breathe, my  shoulders and entire back was tight. It took until Monday for everything to loosen up!

He didn't call it GVT, but Tuesday we kinda did it for legs. He gleefully announced that we were doing 10 kinds of squats. That's right kids, an entire hour of nothing but squats. Bodyweight, sissy squats (totally NOT for sissies), dumbbell squats, squat machine, front squats on the machine, barbell squats, barbell squats with bands/kettle bells dangling, front squats, box squats...and jump squats. Wednesday morning my quads were tight, but not horrible. Thursday morning...OMG!

Yesterday he decided to do a modified GVT round 2. We started with shoulder press, biceps curls and close grip smith machine push ups (5 sets of 10 of each exercise). Then we did triceps push downs, concentration curls, and rear delt raises (5 sets of 10 of each exercise). My arms weren't as shaky afterwards. Hopefully that means I won't be too sore this weekend...

Rite of passage...

At my gym, on the patio, are 2 huge tractor tires. As kind of a rite of passage, the "big boys" like to go out and flip it to prove how strong they are (and impress the girls 😉 ). Since I am one of the stronger females that Superman trains, last year we attempted tire flips on numerous occasions. I needed help from him, but I did it.

This year, we intended to try it again as soon as the weather was warm enough, but before we could try, I developed severe tendinitis in my left elbow. It took 4 months, including a month of physical therapy, to get back to 100%. Just last weekend I texted him and told him I thought it would be safe to try some of the things we have avoided.

So Tuesday was leg and self defense day. He fried my legs with squats, lunges, adductor/abductor, etc then we went out on the patio for some punching and kicking. Then he decided we could try the tire. The first attempt was a true struggle, but he talked me through it, and I'm pretty sure he helped me a little. The second time, I got part way up, and dropped it.  The third time, I struggled, I fought...and I did it!!!

On Monday I want to try again.

Support...

The other day Superman said something, and I've been thinking about it. We were talking about diet since him, and his training partner K are both on strict cutting diets. He said it's a little easier, and sucks a little less, when you know your friends are "suffering" through it too. You know, 'cause misery loves company 😁.

So I've decided to do 2-3 more continous  rounds of 21DF, and not stop til his competition in late September.  I know I won't follow plan 100%, but I'm sure I can manage 80% of the time. That will still allow for coffee with JC and chocolate to help me through rough times at work (someone will DIE if I completely cut out chocolate and alcohol).

If I can lose 1 pound a week for the next 9 weeks, I will officially be the lightest I have been since possibly before I got pregnant with DS2. And only about 15 lbs away from the obese/overweight line. It would be so awesome to finally hit the overweight BMI after all these years.

Round 2 results....

This round I lost weight like crazy the first week--2.4lbs. Then PMS hit, and I "regained" a pound or so. This morning I'm finally back where I was at the end of the first week. I'm a little disappointed that I only lost 2.4 lbs this round, but pumped that my total is 6lbs in 6 weeks. I did lose an inch on my waist this round.

I'm thinking my results this round are due to a combination of factors. I averaged about 3 cups of veggies a day instead of 4/5 from last round. I wasn't as regular this round, despite adding a daily probiotic. I also added a few things to my meals that are not 21DF approved, like granola, and Bare Naked brand granola bars.

Today is the first day of round 3, and I'm hoping it's a good round. For a few days I'm going to bump my veggies up a little, and see if that helps my regularity issues. Maybe next week I'll skip the granola in my yogurt and see if that helps the scale move at all. If I can lose a pound a week this round, I'll have lost all of the 9 lbs I regained. Then I can get back to real losing.

21 day fix, round 2

I ended the first round down 3.6 pounds...sorta. During my 3 day break I ate "normally" and my digestive system pretty much shut down. My body was so used to getting 7 or 8 cups of fruits and vegetables that it protested when it didn't.  By Monday when I started round 2, I had regained 1.6 lbs.

I'm 4 days into round 2, and I have lost 0.8lbs if you're counting my lowest weight from the last round. I've lost 2.4lbs if you count the weight I regained. The last 2 days I've been sick and unable to eat the proper 21 day fix amounts. Hopefully tomorrow my tummy will be able to tolerate food again. I definitely feel better when I'm trying to follow the meal plan. My digestive system works better too.

Superman told me that several people mentioned to him that they think I look slimmer. That's definitely a positive thing! After he told me that, I took a few quick pictures, and I think I see changes. The left is a few days before I started, the right is the day after I started round 2.

I made my client cry...

I have one client that I have been training weekly for the last 4 months. She's in her 60s, and has used a wheelchair for many years, although she can walk very short distances.

Because of how many years she has been in a chair, when I started working with her, her feet were rotated laterally to the point that her knees didn't even bend when she took steps. But she wanted to walk in the worst way. She told me that someday she wanted to walk on the track...so that's what we did! Her husband walked behind her with her chair, and I stood in front of her with her hands on my shoulders. That first time we walked, she stopped 6x in one lap around the track (about every 60 feet). The next week it would be 4x. Other gym members have noticed her progress, and either cheer her on as we're creeping along on the track, or stop and tell her how great she's doing while she's on the recumbent bike.

After watching me with Superman,  she expressed a desire to bench press. So I grabbed a body bar, and she bench presses that. Her form isn't fantastic,  but she does have shoulder mobility issues. She also sits on a bench, and puts her feet up on a BOSU ball, and touches her toes, which helps stretch her tight hamstrings.

I like to think of ways to adapt things that she sees other people do so she can do them. Ball slams work many different muscles. The arms, shoulders...and the abs. Last week I got the idea to stand her in front of her chair, near something she could grab if she needed to, and do ball slams. She was scared, but she did it! She doesn't realize that it was about so much more than slamming a ball--it was about confidence,  balance, and working her shoulders.

The other day she came in to work out on her own. She stopped to chat with me for a minute, and they both told me that what we do in the gym means so much to her. She said that her first time back in the gym, she didn't think there was much of anything she could do. Her husband said that after our first session, she was so happy that there was real stuff she could do, that she cried!

Day 20 of 21

So tomorrow is my last day of this round of 21 Day Fix. I've had a few stumbles and cheats, but for the most part it's been a decent plan.

My biggest struggle is trying to eat all my veggies and fruit. Eating 5 cups of veggies and 3 cups of fruit is HARD. Next round I might drop down to the next lower bracket since I consistently can't eat everything in my current bracket. So far I'm showing a loss of 2.8 pounds, and more may fall off over the weekend. On Monday , Superman is going to do my measurements so we can see if I lost inches too.

Right now, the plan is to start round 2 on Monday,  after giving myself 3 days to relax and enjoy things like Frappuccinos and not having to eat totally different things than my family eats.

In other news...I got official confirmation that I have tendinitis in my left elbow. It's been bothering me for about 2 months now. Tomorrow I start physical therapy in the hopes of healing it.

Day 8 of 21....

The first week is behind me, and I've done well. I have had a few oreos (like 2), but no other bad stuff. I'm averaging 4 cups of veggies and 3 cups of fruit a day.

The scale is down 1.6 pounds, but it's Friday  ( statistically my heaviest day) and I'm super sore. I'm optimistic that I can drop another pound this weekend as my soreness goes away.

21 day fix

So I've tried to do a cut several times, and failed. Superman, bless his heart, has given me guidance, but I needed a little more.

I've seen a lot on the Internet about a program called "21 day fix". Basically, you get these  colored containers...every day you eat a certain number of each --5 green (veggies ), 3 purple  (fruit), 5 red (protein ), etc. The foods you put into the containers should be minimally processed, so frozen dinners, granola bars, etc are discouraged.  Meal planning is encouraged.  I decided to try it. Today is day 2/21 and I think it's going well. My biggest issue is eating 5 cups of veggies and 3 cups of fruit a day. That's a lot of volume!! I've cut down to one slice of toast in the morning, and added a cup of fruit. Since its been in the 80s around here lately, it hasn't been hard to talk myself into a big salad once a day. That's 3 cups of veggies and 2 protein right there ☺

I do feel like maybe my softer physique is making it harder to get a trainer job. Hopefully I'm wrong. It will be interesting to see how my body changes in just 3 weeks. I'm hoping to lose some belly inches!

A year of progress

For the last few years, I have posted a new picture on Facebook the week after school gets out for the summer. It's my way of being accountable, and showing people that I am making progress even though the scale may not show it.

It has been a crazy year since my last beginning of summer pictures. Last year I had just been working with Superman for a few months. I was just starting to feel strong and powerful. This year, we have been working together for almost 15 months! I know I'm strong and powerful, and I couldn't pick a better person to have my back.

The scale hasn't changed much. As a matter of fact, I've gained and lost and regained about 10lbs this year, but the measuring tape has shown small losses. Yesterday I put together a quick comparison of pictures to see how I've changed. Truthfully, my belly doesn't look much different, and that makes me a little sad. I did see changes in my booty and thighs. My thighs look a little thicker, but in a good way. To my eye, I see quad definition where I didn't have it last year. My booty looks a little fuller, but I am ok with that too!

Last year at this time I was still working up my nerve to order my NASM materials.  This year I have been certified for 5 months, and now I'm working on continuing education.  I've interviewed for 2 trainer positions, and I think I have a good shot at the second one!

Promises kept

When I got my certification, I wanted to work at "my" gym. I've had my application in for about a year, maybe more. About 7 months ago I was interviewed for an attendant position, but the job went to someone with "more fitness experience ". I recently found out that this was not entirely true.

Several months ago, in conversations with JC and Superman, I set a deadline.  If I was not on staff at "my" gym in any capacity by June 1st, I would start applying at other gyms the next day. Last week, out of frustration with my current job, I filled out some applications on my day off. Much to my surprise, within 48 hours both places had contacted me! Tomorrow morning  I interview at one of them (LA). I have mixed feelings about this interview--the position is in Hilliard, which is a 40 minute drive. But both JC and Superman had or currently have similar commutes. I've been playing phone tag since Thursday  with the owner of the other gym (metro). Metro is 5 minutes from my house, so would be a more ideal commute.

Either way, I'm excited and scared. I'm finally going to get a chance to prove to myself that I can do this! But all my insecurities are coming to the surface too. Will people take me seriously?  Can I write a program that my client will enjoy and see results from?

Supergirl. ..for LIFE!!

After I got my first tattoo, I got the idea to get a supergirl tattoo.  Kind of as a reminder of all the obstacles I have overcome. From health and weight, to special needs kids, to an epileptic husband. 

I was looking on pinterest, and I found a really sweet poster. It was a pink and black supergirl logo with roses and ribbons.  That was what I wanted!! Very feminine. Then I got the idea to add a symbol of my physical strength--a barbell, kettle bell,  weight belt, etc. When I'd saved enough money, I went to the tattoo shop and gave the artist my idea. What he came up with was awesome-- two big roses behind the top of the supergirl logo, and behind the bottom is a loaded barbell.  It's bigger than I had originally planned (it takes up most of the top of my right thigh), but it looks really good.

Good days, bad days

This morning I threw on leggings and an oversized tshirt and ran to the grocery store.  As I was walking up to the automatic door, I caught my reflection in the glass. I saw my legs first, and was quite pleased with the way they looked. The tshirt skimmed over the worst part of my belly, without looking too big. I looked normal size. It's times like these where I really feel like I am seeing myself the way the rest of the world does, and it feels so good.

It's the other times I hate. The times where my eyes are drawn to my belly. When I see the outline of my belly button through my shirt, or it seems like my love handles are the same size they were several years ago. When the front of my pants roll down because of my belly.Those times make me feel like Poppin' Fresh (the pillsbury dough boy) or the Michelin Tire Man.

For the most part, I try to focus on the positive stuff. Superman was so right when he told me my legs are muscular and firm. In a relaxed position, I can see the shape of my quadriceps, even though my legs are far from "defined". They have a little padding on the inner thigh, but it's been a few years since I've had pants ruined by "chub rub". When I'm doing rows or lateral raises, I can see a little muscle below my collar bone flex with every rep. When I flex in the mirror, I can see the start of definition on my back, in between my shoulders. Although the number on the scale is still high, I'm 2 sizes smaller than 2 friends who weight 5-10 lbs less than I do.

No matter how big I feel, I am strong. I can squat and deadlift more than bodyweight. I can run the rack with all kinds of dumbbell exercises. Women at the gym are motivated and inspired by seeing what I'm accomplishing. At work, I lift and carry cases of fries, boxes of lettuce, and buckets of ice with ease.

What a mountain you are climbing...

Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic, and reminiscing about the very first time I put an oly bar on my back. My sister had challenged me to a lifting contest (which she later bailed on...) and one of the rules was you had to use the oly bar. The power rack was in use...so I asked JC to put one of the bars off a bench onto my back so I could see what it felt like. 

I shared this memory with JC just one day after doing an almost parallel, 240 lb squat. His response was "what a mountain you are climbing". He's right. And the "view" gets more breathtaking the higher I climb. This journey to health IS a mountain I'm climbing. It's steep, and challenging. I have no clue what I will find when I reach the summit.  It would have been so easy to quit climbing, so many times.  When my dad died AND I started a new job in the same week, I could have quit. When JC left...when Buff quit. When I ended up with horrible elbow tendinitis 2 months after I started working with Superman. But I didn't. Somehow, I know the view from the top is going to be amazing...and I REALLY want to see it.

As I am "climbing", the view is getting better. It's the little things. Having an off day and having someone walk up to me and tell me that seeing ME push through a workout has inspired them to keep pushing. Realizing that I look 40 lbs lighter than I really am. Throwing around 50lb bags of chicken feed and remembering when I could barely lift them. Realizing that it has been months since I used my asthma inhaler...the one I used to have to use before every workout. That I've gotten through a winter without a major respiratory illness.  And then there is the gym stuff-- hitting PRs on the weights, being quirky and having to do my stuff on the unstable side of the BOSU  (for some reason I fall if I stand on the round side), actually accomplishing tasks that make me wonder if Superman has lost his mind (I love him, but the man enjoys trying to break me).

If you're going to climb a mountain, you need safety equipment. JC and Superman are mine. I don't see JC often, but he's just a text away if I need a little wisdom, or encouragement. I would have never had the courage to become a Trainer if it he hadn't suggested it. Other people had, but not people who had seen me in action in the gym. Superman is my safety in the gym, literally.  When I'm going for a squat PR, there is the potential for me to get "stuck in the hole". I need to have 100% confidence in my spotter, and I do. The other day when I did my 240lb squat, I got stuck in the hole. Twice. Each time, Superman waited for my cue, then gently stood me up and helped me rack the bar. The 3rd time, he gave me a verbal cue when I hit the right depth, then verbal encouragement until the bar was racked.

Fat goggles

Have you ever heard the phrase "beer goggles "? You know, where you've had enough beer that people look attractive who normally would not be attractive to you? I've come to realize that I wear "fat goggles" I've been fat/obese for over half my life. If I don't consciously take them off, I have "fat goggles" . I automatically think of myself as fat.

This morning I was training with Superman. He had me weaving a kettle bell around my legs in a figure eight pattern.  When I first attempted it, I was trying to hold the kettle bell at knee height, and I kept banging into my thighs. Without even thinking, I said "short arms, fat legs". Superman gently corrected me by telling me "no, those are muscular legs". He's totally correct, there really isn't a lot of fat left on them. But I was looking at them through my "fat goggles", and when I'm wearing them, big equals fat.

Later, I sent him a message thanking him for reminding me that my legs are muscular and not fat. That I am slowly starting to see myself the way everyone else does.  He replied with a sweet message telling me that he can see the definition through my clothes, and that big and fat has definitely morphed into big, firm and strong ❤.

Uh oh...

Today Superman accidentally found out that CC was the creep who was inappropriate with me at the gym. The one I should have reported and didn't.

I regularly hand my phone to Superman to read a text that might interest him. Just the other day I had been texting with JC about several situations, and it led to CC. In the texts I said something about CC thinking I was FWB with JC (and now Superman)  and  being a creep who had been disrespectful to me. As Superman was reading, I saw a dark look go over his face, and I knew he'd seen something. I asked him about it and he kind of played dumb, so I dropped it.

Then I messaged him and told him if he had seen something, it was ok. The reason I had been hiding the info was that I knew how protective he is of his "girls". He admitted that he saw a name, and figured it out. He's pissed that CC was inappropriate like that with a lady. Hopefully he's just going to drop it.

A year with Superman...

Yep, that's right. In just a few short weeks, it will be a full year that I have worked with Superman. It has been amazing, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.

When I first started working with Superman, he was shy and hesitant, and I had no clue what kind of strength I really had. In the last year, both of us have become so much more confident. Superman is so much more relaxed than he was in the very beginning (at least with me). It is not unusual for someone to see him touching my back or sides, or spotting me on a heavy squat ( which kinda looks like a bear hug from behind). Our sessions are full of laughs and private jokes-- earlier this week he was seconds away from getting on the treadmill behind me while I was warming up. I caught him just as he was about to swing his second leg onto the side rail of the treadmill. Recently I commented that I felt like I needed to put a little swing into my upright row to be able to get the db or kb up over my "pecs". In the last few weeks he has referenced that several times, the other day he chuckled and said "girl problems" LOL. Yesterday we were chatting about shopping and I mentioned that I was proud of the fact that the size of my new swimsuit didn't bother me. Since I wear a medium in workout pants, one would think that I would wear the same size in bikini bottoms. I had tried on both a medium and a large, and went with the large ( and an extra large top). My dear, sweet Superman looked at me and said "there is nothing wrong with havin' a booty". A year ago there is NO WAY that he would have acknowledged that I have boobs or a booty, let alone made a comment about them.

In the last year I have changed so much too. Not only have I made amazing progress in my lifts, and become certified as a personal trainer, but I feel like my mind has changed too. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, stretch marks, flubber and all. For the most part, I can take compliments better than I used to. Compliments used to make me uncomfortable because I couldn't see what other people apparently saw. I still don't really see it, but I respect that they see it, and wanted to tell me they saw it.

Superman and JC love me, and its obvious that they love me. I love them too. Hubby is my #1 man, and they are #2. The whole relationship just makes me feel warm and fuzzy :)

Supergirl got inked!

As the title suggests, I got a tattoo last week!! My dad and my father in law both had bladder cancer. Around the time Paul died, I got the idea to get a tatt of the awareness ribbon. I wish he could have seen it, but it took me 3 months to convince hubby to let me get it. The tattoo is about palm sized, on my chest (basically where you put your hand "on your heart). The ribbon top is heart shaped, and dad and Paul's names are on the ribbon.

I didn't think I'd be a big fan of tattoos... But I kinda want a few more. I want footprints and the line "...it was then that I carried you", but I'm still deciding on a location. I also want a pink and black Superman logo. Which brings me to the next part of the story...

Earlier this week, I asked a friend to help me film a front squat technique. We went over to the squat rack, and there were 3 big guys finishing up. One of the guys knows what I can do, his name is Julian. So Julian was teasing me, and asking did I want to work in for a set...did I want them to add more weight (knowing I'd say no). The other guys thought he was just joking...next thing I know, I'm in the squat rack, no weight belt, squatting what the last guy squatted. I thought I might have bitten off more than I could chew...I was standing there mid squat thinking oh crap. I can't fail this. I gotta do this, I just told them it was no big deal. But I did it! When I was done, one guy says "I'd say I feel like a little girl (weak)...but look what a little girl just did!!!" He called me a "little girl", but I wasn't even mad. I realized later that I had just squatted my  current one rep max!!

Seeing the genuine shock and admiration on these guys faces, it changed me. I really DO feel like I'm exceptionally strong. I'm not the strongest woman out there, but I am definitely stronger than the norm, and that is something to be very proud of.

My cocoon

I've been saying for a while that I feel like I'm going through a metamorphosis. The last 3 years has been one hell of a journey! But it isn't over yet.

As my body has changed, and I've gained confidence from my time in the gym, I've become more interested in the girly stuff that I couldn't be bothered with before.  A few months ago someone introduced me to Jamberry nail wraps, and I'm hooked. Nail polish has never held up well for me, it chips within minutes...but Jamberry nails last about a week. Now I feel weird if i have naked nails. All my gym gear (lifting belt, kick boxing gloves, lifting straps, etc) is a bright pink. I laugh and tell people its so if I drop something, Superman knows it is mine and can return it to me.

I am looking forward to warmer weather, and being able to shop for clothes. Even though I'm 40 now, I could pass for late 20s, so I'm going to take full advantage. Superman says I have really nice legs, so this is going to be the summer I wear all the cute stuff without worry.

I feel like the love and support from Superman and JC is definitely helping my transformation. I'm so unsure about how the world is going to react to the new me as I emerge from my cocoon, and those two could not be more supportive.